Crack Pairing Central
by dagnytheartist
Summary: One-shots of the most WTF pairings ever! Rated T to be safe. Pairings include Bonshy, Discodash, Sweetie Bon, Diamond Tiara/Angel Bunny, and many more.
1. Crap We're Homeless

**For my next trick, I'm going to (attempt to) write fanfics on crack pairings that a random generator came up with.**

**In case you didn't know, a "crack pairing" is when two beings that should have no chance of being romantically involved are shipped together. Obviously controversial since there's bound to be SOME nut that ships these characters for real.**

**There's this free program called Scratch that you can use to create computer games, and I made a "video game" where you press a button and it gives you two random names (that I had to type up myself) of My Little Pony characters.**

**So, some of these pairings are gay, and the younger fillies will be aged up to teenagers. Or the older ones will be aged down. No incest though. Don't like, don't read. Rated T for censored swearing. Enjoy the weirdness!**

**~Dagny the artist.**

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**Story 1: Crap, We're Homeless!**

**Pairing: Discodash or Raincord**

On one end of the bed lay a computer-addicted Twilight Sparkle, reading yet another news story. Rainbow Dash sat at the end of Twilight's bed, groaning as she was about to hear yet _another_ news story. But as Twilight clicked on a link, her facial expression went from content to horrified.

"Gasp! Rainbow! Listen to this!" Technically, she didn't have to _listen_, since Twilight "so politely" shoved the laptop on Rainbow's lap and put it mere centimeters to her face. The only time Rainbow Dash remembered getting excited about something on the computer was... on second thought, she didn't want to remember it. Long story short, Twilight can be a prankster sometimes, and her idea of "funny" is telling you to go to a website called Lemonparty. At first, she thought it was funny that Twilight could pull a prank, but the images on the screen were so mind-crushingly disturbing that it made Rainbow vow to never use a computer again.

Twilight continued to tell the story, despite the fact that Rainbow's brain had already stopped caring, if it ever started. "Pony studies say that if a pony repeatedly inhaled ink in their teens, they are more likely to get various brain diseases." Twilight slapped her face with her hoof. "I. Shouldn't. Have. Done. That."

"Twilight, no offense, but you're boring as s***." Twilight glared at Rainbow Dash, who was half-heartedly starting to read a Daring Do book, the only exciting thing in her life since she decided to start dating Twilight.

"Boring as- Rainbow! Do you even listen to yourself? I could be getting brain damage as we speak, and do you even CARE?"

"Not really. You'd be more fun to talk to."

"Get the f*** out of my house!" Rainbow Dash looked up. Really, her freedom just appeared and was handed to her on a silver platter? "With pleasure b*****!" Faster than you can say "my favorite pairing (sob)" Rainbow Dash was out of there!

"Oh crap, I'm homeless!" Rainbow suddenly got terrified as the sky got increasingly darker and all the scary creatures that weren't making any noise before suddenly become loud. Spike poked his head out the window and handed Rainbow Dash a suitcase.

"Oh thanks midget." Rainbow took the suitcase.

"Take me with you," Spike muttered. "Twilight's gonna go insane without someone to keep her mentally OK!"

"Well, that'll have to be you." An insane looking Twilight appeared out of nowhere and told Spike "Time to give you a haircut, chicken!" Rainbow Dash flew away faster than Spike could say "NOOOO!"

Discord, meanwhile, was laying on a park bench, homeless and sad. He tried creating chaos everywhere he went, but what he really needed was a girlfriend. The rest of his own species was dead, thanks to Celestia's attitude back in the 1800s, but he wasn't picky about liking a mare, with him being part pony and all.

He was feeling dramatically suicidal (he was probably pretending out of boredom to get attention) as he said "Oh God, take me away! Shoot a bullet through my head and send me to the darkness of the Earth's core, to burn away and amount to nothing!"

God must have heard him wrong, because a Rainbow-colored bullet was charging at him. Rainbow smashed head-first into the dragonesque. "Oh, sorry- wait. Discord?"

Discord rubbed his head in pain. "Yeah? What?"

Rainbow's eyes widened. How could Rainbow Dash never notice, and I mean _notice_, Discord's hot appearence. "Your scales are so- so shiny in the moonlight." She face hoofed herself. "I've been dating Twilight too long, that's got to be the dumbest damn thing I ever said!"

In the feel of the moment, Discord started to hold her hands with her. She couldn't let go, but after looking into his eyes, she didn't want to. He muttered "What kind of drugs are you taking?"

"I don't know, but I think they're working right."

"What?"

"I don't know."

They laughed about it for a minute, and sat on the bench together, watching the sun rise. The sun started being lifted slowly and the sky turned pink. The sky matched Rainbow's eyes, it was perfect! Discord played with her hair, which always seemed longer when you looked at it.

"The heck am I doing?" Rainbow muttered. "It's not like I'm gonna get married to you."

Discord sighed and yanked Rainbow Dash's hair off of her head. She screamed. "I'm bald! What the f*** man?! What the f***?!" But she stopped screaming when she saw what he was doing with the hair. He morphed it into a box, got down on one knee, and muttered "Rainbow Dash, will you marry me?"

"Yes!" Rainbow screamed, hugging her new husband and putting on her ring. "This is the most awesome ring ever!"

"Where would you like to get married?"

"Right here, right now."

Discord snapped his fingers and Derpy, a justice of the peace, appeared. Discord gave her a bible and told her to start getting them married.

"And do you Discord, take this..." Derpy looked at Rainbow Dash funny. "Who is this again?"

"This is Rainbow Dash."

"Oh s***! I was gonna marry Rainbow Dash!" After Rainbow and Discord gave her a strange look, she proceeded to go on. "Will you, Discord, take this mare to be your baldly wedded wife?"

"I do."

"So it's settled! By the power of Derpy Express, you're married!" Derpy flew off into the sunset, unknowing of the future that she would be burned to a crisp, as Discord carried Rainbow Dash away.

"So, where do you live?" Rainbow asked, nuzzling her head into his chest. The dragonesque stared at her in shock. "Crap, we're homeless!"


	2. The Economy Sucks

**Story: The Economy Sucks**

**Pairing: Flutterbon or Bonshy**

Bon Bon was watching Family Guy as her wife Fluttershy walked into the living room, carrying the candies Bon Bon had made. "Here's your candies, if you don't mind me interrupting the show.

Bon Bon took the candies without a "thank you" being said. Ever since she lost her job at the candy factory, she had been miserable and silent. Fluttershy was the only one who was being understanding.

Fluttershy was so afraid to ask, but really needed to know. In almost a whisper, she muttered "Have you, um, found any new jobs yet?"

Bon Bon turned to Fluttershy angrily. "No! The Apple family won't let any non-relative ponies in! The cake's factory won't hire me after that 'incident'! And there's no other jobs in this one-horse town!" She muted the tv as it went to commercial. "Oh yeah, and Rainbow Dash says I can't be a weather-control pony because it's 'only for pegasi'! So goddamn racist!"

"But Bon Bon, it's sort of a pegasi only job-"

"Well, if that's the case, why don't _you_ get that job?! Why do I always have to be the one with the job?! Your animal sanctuary thing is making no income whatsoever!"

Fluttershy started to cry. Bon Bon instantly slapped her own mouth. "I am so sorry, dear! It was, the stress, I swear! I didn't mean it! I love how you care for animals! It's so sweet!" Fluttershy looked up at her. Bon Bon tried to wipe Fluttershy's tears, only to end up scratching her face. "OW!"

"Oh, sorry again (stupid hoofs)." Bon Bon thought back on how Lyra always talked about wanting to be a dragon, because they have hands, and how hands would be easier for wiping tears. Fluttershy was jealous of Lyra, even though they were just friends, so Bon Bon decided not to mention Lyra until their lives were back to normal.

The show came back on, and Fluttershy decided to watch with Bon Bon. "That baby is cute," She said. "Would you want to adopt our own baby?"

Bon Bon started laughing. "A baby?! We can't even afford to take care of ourselves and these animals! And Stewie's the last kind of baby you would want, Fluttershy, he's bent on world domination and killing his mother."

"Oh my!" Fluttershy looked at the screen. Bon Bon was expecting her to leave, but instead she started cracking up. "Mind if I watch this with you?"

"Uh, sure." Bon Bon scooted over to let Fluttershy watch, her mind screaming "Please don't go to a bloody gag Family Guy."

In the episode they were watching, Peter bent down to get a free hat. Chris, who had been waiting for him, pulled the ropes and smashed his had with two hammers, blood spilling everywhere.

Bon Bon gasped. She was not expecting that, even from Family Guy. She expected to hear Fluttershy say something, but she wasn't saying anything. Silence filled the room, and a nervous Bon Bon turned to Fluttershy and asked "Sweetie, are you OK?"

Fluttershy wasn't breathing! "OH my god! I should never have watched that stupid show! How could I think about- I'll go get you some water!"

The second she walked away, Fluttershy started breathing again. But then she started laughing, and ran herself out of breath again.

Bon Bon was surprised to see her wife in a fit of laughter. "I thought you would hate this show," She said.

Fluttershy just kept laughing. "Hate it? That was hilarious! We're watching another episode!"

Bon Bon rolled her eyes. It's always the ones you least expect.

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**Hey everyone! I'm tired from the writing right now, but I'll continue this! I already have a list of crack pairings (some even including Angel Bunny and Gummy!) You can even suggest crack pairings if you want! Thanks for reading! **

**~dagnytheartist**


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